Perfectly enough

 *Thanks to my friend Marti for sharing her thoughts on Mother’s Day this year!*

This Mother’s Day will be new for me; you see, my mother died in January of this year.  Last year for Mother’s Day I planned a special day – something she really enjoyed. This is a product of the program of recovery that has taught me new ways of thinking.  This program has taught me to do things for fun and for free.  To give fully from my whole heart.  These things don’t come naturally; in the natural I am fearful, fearful that you will reject my gift, that my gift isn’t good enough. Really what I’m fearful of is that I’M not good enough and that the rejection will bring shame and pain. 

Through others sharing their experience, strength, and hope with me, I’ve developed courage to try something new.  To not depend on the outcome but to trust the process.  Not everything I try will be successful, but not trying is a guaranteed failure.  In learning from others, I’ve come to believe that there is a Higher Power Who sees around corners and is preparing me to handle whatever comes my way.  I have learned that just for today, I can be a lady of grace and dignity.  And if I “act as if” long enough, I become the lady of grace and dignity that my Higher Power can be proud of. 

Through the gifts of Al Anon, I’ve learned that acceptance is the key to true happiness.  I did my best to accept my mother as the person she was and not the person I wanted her to be.  I accept her as a child of God on a journey similar to mine.  I can accept that I was not the perfect daughter, but in the last few years, we had a kind and gentle relationship that wasn’t always easy but was always worth it.  As I look forward to this Mother’s Day, I am glad to say thank you to the God of my understanding for giving me the mother I had and for giving me the understanding and peace that comes from the love we shared.  Not always perfect, but perfectly enough.