Dear Sabrina

*Today’s letter is written by one of my former spunky students. Thank you for adding spark to my life, Jessica!*

Dear Sabrina,

I have had five therapists in my lifetime from 2nd grade on. None of these people could get through to me until the 5th one. The 5th one was you. Something about you stuck out to me. Maybe it was because of your willingness to listen or your genuine want to help me and reach out. Honestly, I don’t know what it was, but what I do know is that I have not needed a therapist since December 2013, and I owe that all to you. Actually, no, I owe my whole life to you.

When I met you, I was in a bad place in my life. The therapist I went to a couple of months before basically blew me off and made me feel like I didn’t matter. She shooed me out of my second (and last) appointment that SHE scheduled and was LATE to because she had a meeting. Part of the reason I was going to a therapist in the first place was because I felt that nobody cared about me or what I was going through. I was lost and looking for some kind of direction in my life. That little incident pretty much proved me right. Not even my therapist cared about my life or whether I’d pull through or not. She only cared about herself.

After that, I kind of decided that maybe therapy wasn’t for me; after all, I’d had four different ones in my past, and none made me feel any better about myself or my future. Finally, I got to a point in my life where I REALLY needed someone to talk to. I felt I couldn’t talk to my family members because they wouldn’t understand. I talked to my best friend a lot, but she was getting tired of being the one to be unloaded on. Plus, in the relationship I was in, I was told to drop my best friend if I wanted to be with him. So, basically, I had no one. No friends, family, anyone.

You quickly became my friend as time progressed, though you could not be my “friend” because of your contract, but I knew otherwise. I always felt like you took a little more care with me than you did with your other clients. You can’t deny it. We spent three years together. You watched me grow as a person and saw me at my worst and still cared about me and my well being. I truly believe it was God that led me to you. He saw me struggling and knew just who could help me.

Ornament01You are an amazing therapist, and I would recommend you to anyone. You were the reason that I decided to become a therapist myself. I realized that I wanted to help people become all that they can be. Nobody should have to go through depression alone. All of that being said, I just wanted to let you know that I am so unbelievably grateful and thankful for you and your help. Without your selfless guidance, I would have never been able to pull myself out of the dirt and get back to the person I used to be, well, close to who I used to be. I love you more than you know, and I will never forget you.

Your Friend,

Jessica Nicol

P.S. When you look at Eeyore on your bookshelf, know that I’m thinking about you, too.

The heartbeat of God

Photo by Phoopla Photography

Yesterday, my husband and I had the privilege of hearing our baby’s heartbeat for the first time.

Instantly, I cried. I knew I probably would; I have become a much more emotional person than I used to be. The closer I get to God, the more in tune with my own feelings I am. I feel things more deeply and am more likely to recognize and experience the beauty and wonder in things around me now than I used to be.

I’m grateful for the change. Transitioning from a somewhat Stoic, cynical individual to one whose heart is full of gratitude has been a rough journey but one worth taking. I’m fully alive now.

Lying on the exam table in a silent room, listening to the quiet beat of my baby’s heart, I was reminded of how often I am just like Thomas, Jesus’ disciple, who simply could not believe until He could see the scars and feel the hole in His side.

I knew our baby existed. I saw the proof on the pregnancy test and have been experiencing multiple symptoms which point very clearly to its existence. But something about hearing it for the first time made it more real to me.

God is like that.

He’s always there, even when we can’t see, feel, or hear Him. His heart keeps beating for us and waiting for us to listen.