Keep em separated

Having gone through several events which are less than honorable, or difficult to talk about, or painful for others to come to terms with–divorce, bankruptcy, drug and alcohol addiction of those I love, to name a few–I’ve learned that those who truly love me share in sorrows and in joys, regardless of how well their opinions and beliefs mesh with my own. It’s easy to separate who truly loves me unconditionally from who is a fair-weather friend if I simply pay attention to their reactions to the big events–both good and bad–in my own life.

James and I dated for about a year and a half before we discovered last month that we were going to be parents together in November. This was not a planned event, and even though we were elated about the little life inside of me, we were also overwhelmed with the notion of our own plans and timelines being blown to bits with one piece of news. We adjusted and are going to be fine. What’s interesting, though, is that it has not been as easy an adjustment for others in our lives. Many people who should be closest to us will barely discuss it and seem ashamed of the reality which we accepted weeks ago.

Rather than dwell on the people who have not been supportive or have been completely silent for various reasons, we choose to spend our time and energy on friendships with people who are actively¬† supportive, who share our joy, and who want the best for us. The result is a long list of people, gifts, cards, and hugs to be grateful for. By limiting contact with people who foster negativity and can’t seem to let go of their own pretenses, I’ve found that my life is more peaceful, full of forgiveness and love, and overflowing with gratitude.

I can’t wait to share this kind of life with our child.

 

A big day

Today will be a very big day for me.

In a little while, I’m going to share one of the most painful, personal moments of my life with anyone who’s interested in hearing about it via my personal blog. I have the oddest feeling this morning–it feels like fear mixed with courage.

Despite the actual experience and pain involved in the aftermath, and in spite of my fear of the unknown consequences of opening myself up to the world, I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to share. I’m grateful for a friend who shared his story with me last week and prompted me to share my own. I’m grateful for the intricate, winding, uphill road that led me to today, fingers positioned on my keyboard, calm and ready to say what needs to be said.

I’m grateful God is the ultimate orchestrator of all of this, and I’m grateful that I’ve stepped down from my throne enough to recognize Him for Who He Is.

I feel like God’s whispering to me, “Now watch what I’m going to do with this. I told you, I’m making everything new.”

I’m watching.