Having gone through several events which are less than honorable, or difficult to talk about, or painful for others to come to terms with–divorce, bankruptcy, drug and alcohol addiction of those I love, to name a few–I’ve learned that those who truly love me share in sorrows and in joys, regardless of how well their opinions and beliefs mesh with my own. It’s easy to separate who truly loves me unconditionally from who is a fair-weather friend if I simply pay attention to their reactions to the big events–both good and bad–in my own life.
James and I dated for about a year and a half before we discovered last month that we were going to be parents together in November. This was not a planned event, and even though we were elated about the little life inside of me, we were also overwhelmed with the notion of our own plans and timelines being blown to bits with one piece of news. We adjusted and are going to be fine. What’s interesting, though, is that it has not been as easy an adjustment for others in our lives. Many people who should be closest to us will barely discuss it and seem ashamed of the reality which we accepted weeks ago.
Rather than dwell on the people who have not been supportive or have been completely silent for various reasons, we choose to spend our time and energy on friendships with people who are actively supportive, who share our joy, and who want the best for us. The result is a long list of people, gifts, cards, and hugs to be grateful for. By limiting contact with people who foster negativity and can’t seem to let go of their own pretenses, I’ve found that my life is more peaceful, full of forgiveness and love, and overflowing with gratitude.
I can’t wait to share this kind of life with our child.