Keep em separated

Having gone through several events which are less than honorable, or difficult to talk about, or painful for others to come to terms with–divorce, bankruptcy, drug and alcohol addiction of those I love, to name a few–I’ve learned that those who truly love me share in sorrows and in joys, regardless of how well their opinions and beliefs mesh with my own. It’s easy to separate who truly loves me unconditionally from who is a fair-weather friend if I simply pay attention to their reactions to the big events–both good and bad–in my own life.

James and I dated for about a year and a half before we discovered last month that we were going to be parents together in November. This was not a planned event, and even though we were elated about the little life inside of me, we were also overwhelmed with the notion of our own plans and timelines being blown to bits with one piece of news. We adjusted and are going to be fine. What’s interesting, though, is that it has not been as easy an adjustment for others in our lives. Many people who should be closest to us will barely discuss it and seem ashamed of the reality which we accepted weeks ago.

Rather than dwell on the people who have not been supportive or have been completely silent for various reasons, we choose to spend our time and energy on friendships with people who are actively  supportive, who share our joy, and who want the best for us. The result is a long list of people, gifts, cards, and hugs to be grateful for. By limiting contact with people who foster negativity and can’t seem to let go of their own pretenses, I’ve found that my life is more peaceful, full of forgiveness and love, and overflowing with gratitude.

I can’t wait to share this kind of life with our child.


2 thoughts on “Keep em separated

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  1. Love you Henry! You never fail to make me laugh and also make me feel loved/encouraged. We’re definitely just grateful for the blessing of our baby, regardless of whether people agree with our circumstances or decisions. And grateful to be spending our lives together, which as you mentioned, has been the plan all along :).
    As far as “the haters,” I understand the ideological reasons for disagreeing with other people’s choices/lifestyles. There are things all of us don’t agree with in life and in our loved ones’ lives. For me, I set those things aside and focus on the person and the relationship because I feel like that’s what God would have me do–love the person in my life, regardless of whether I agree with every single thing about him or her. Some people just aren’t able to do that, and I’ve had to work really hard to not judge THEM for judging ME. Just another good opportunity to learn a hard lesson :)!

  2. That is so crazy that some folks are acting like that!! ARRGG I’ll chuck norris judo-chop em for ya!

    The one thing i cannot stand is someone judging somebody else. God is the only One in this universe who has the right to judge somebody, not anyone walking this Earth has that right. I, too, get judged a lot by others you’d think would be accepting of me. It’s a constant struggle where I “don’t feel good enough” a lot or that I even measure up to people’s standards.

    I cannot STAND people who judge others. It drives me absolutely bonkers. I think i said that already.

    Let’s talk about the elephant in the room: you got preggers, and then got married.

    What’s wrong with this? Absolutely nothing. We live in the Bible belt, so of course there are people who frown upon pre-marital sex and pregnancy before marriage. Again, the only one with the authority to judge is the Lord, and I highly doubt since a child is the Lord’s gift to two loving people that He would pass any judgement at all.

    I knew from the way you were talking about James months ago that you wanted to marry him. I think it’s in your new year’s resolution blog. So what took place in the past weeks was inevitable – it’s not like you had a one night stand with a complete stranger and are forced into marriage.

    Anyways, what i’m getting at is i don’t care if you grew two heads three boobs (not such a bad thing) and voted as a Democrat (well, it’d take me a second to get over that one), i’d still support and pray and love and be that elevator for you regardless and the people close to you who are “ashamed” of this need to recognize and get a life. I’ve known you when you were at various stages in your life, the highs and lows, and my opinion or thoughts of you never wavered, because I know the good in you and it was always there and never left and that you truly are the Lord’s daughter. As far as the haters…”haters gonna hate”.

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